So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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