It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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