he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
