It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
