I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
