i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
