At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
