I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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