that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
