I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
