im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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