you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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