I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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