i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
