I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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