If that was your dad, he is hot
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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