You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
