Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
