We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
