i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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