if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
