Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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