I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
