Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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