I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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