i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
