she was so not down for the gang bang
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
