oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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