No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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