his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
