Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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