In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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