forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
