Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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