guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
