On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
