Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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