Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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