I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Welp...herpes.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
