Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
