We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
