I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
