You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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