worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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