Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
