know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
