Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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