he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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