I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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