the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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