she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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