she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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