Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
