just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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