Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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