so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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