I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
