You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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