hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
