you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
