New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
false alarm, still single
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