Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
